Relationship advice for newlyweds?
I picked up this headline from Children & Young People Now about how the Conservatives are wanting to slow the spiralling divorce rates by encouraging couples to take relationship education courses.
Shadow families minister Maria Miller will tell conference today: “The evidence is clear: children who have both parents around and involved in their lives do better.
“We want local registrars to start signposting couples to pre-marital education as a matter of routine.”
It’s interesting that the shadow Government want to introduce something that churches have been doing for centuries. While I appreciate the recognition that stable families are beneficial to a child’s overall health and welcome attempts to keep couples together, unfortunately this initiative smacks of political vote-catching more than any commitment to actually support people in saving their relationships.
October 1st, 2008 at 12:34 pm
well we were forced into ‘relationship advice’ by the Catholic Church - and it wasn’t appreciated, either by non Catholic me or by my Catholic wife to be. We had intended not to get married in Church but did so in the end out of respect for my partners Mother in Law who passed away before we married. So on that basis I didn’t mind that we had to jump through a few hoops but for somebody who isn’t part of that faith, the experience far from endeared it to me (or my wife for that matter).
Firstly we had to attend a whole days ‘advice’ which was run by two ladies who frankly didn’t seem as though they’d had much in the way of relationship experience. There was one couple who had been together for a shortish time (a year), but after that all others had already been together for 6+ years - so the lectures about “you might argue sometimes” seemed childish.
Secondly following this we then had to speak to the Priest who insisted that I sign a document promising to bring up my children as Catholics. I refused which led to a heated discussion before in the end I agreed to sign it on the basis that because I was a non believer my word in that context meant nothing anyway, and my children would have the right to choose their own faith when they feel ready (now in retrospect I should have shut by gob & kept my head down but unfortunately my nature prevents that!).
Anyway back to your post - despite all that I think relationship advice is perfectly sensible, but it needs to be encouraged not enforced. I’m sure there are many who find those sessions valuable, but for us it was just a tedious waste of a day and actually it caused more arguments and distress than probably most other aspects related to us getting married!
As for it being political - yes no doubt, but I think there are far far more reasons for families breaking up than not having had relationship advice and I think most people would prefer politicians focus their efforts on those.
October 1st, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Cheers Mike. Sounds like you had an awful experience! We never really had much marriage prep ourselves, despite being an active part of our church (the charismatic churches tend to be a bit more relaxed over rules and tradition than the Catholics).
I think you’re absolutely right about the wider issues leading to marriage breakdown. There is no way this initiative will solve the problem.
October 1st, 2008 at 3:59 pm
lol well I had been forewarned about Catholic ceremonies! I should also say that the wedding itself was a brilliant day and the Priest who conducted the ceremony seemed a lot more ‘with it’ than the one who interrogated us up in Chester!
October 1st, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Hey mate,
Really interesting post. Looks like im goign to have to hit your site a bit if these posts keep coming…
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Thanks Shaun! I would hope you’d read this blog anyway!